I had called it a day and closed up shop here when Troy posted a comment that really motivated me to give it another go, particularly because it’s on a post about me “blogging” again.

I’ve been doing this for over a decade now, but back when I started it was known as keeping an online journal (shout-out to Angel). I’ve stopped and started again numerous times because as hard as I try to give it up, I can’t let it go.

It’s become a part of who I am.

Anyway, mom, I’m comin’ back.

Post Title Download: Citizen Cope – “Comin’ Back” from Citizen Cope

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Larry (from LBJ’s Brown Bag) and I have signed up to compete in the Men’s Health Total-Body Transformation Challenge. Larry lost over 50 pounds as a contestant in the Get Fit Challenge, and since making yourself accountable to a friend is a great way to stay on track, I’m confident that this will be a great success.

We kick things off Sunday, and I’m not really concerned with the grand prize. Living healthy and being in great shape would be prize enough for me.

Ladies, don’t feel left out: Women’s Health has something for you. Let’s do it!

Post Title Download: Heston – “Brand New You” from Storyteller

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1. Trying to Find a Balance

These last few days have been quite hectic as I’ve been using tips from Zen Habits to simplify a lot of my daily routine (I’ll share the details later). I’ve also been getting a handle on my work (although there is one Swedish politician delaying a project), and taking a break for the day was well-deserved.

It’s back to work tomorrow, though. I have business to tend to regarding N-Retrospekt, in addition to my regular duties at ConcreteLoop, before the Day of Atonement on Monday.

Post Title Download: Anoushka Shankar & Karsh Kale – “Easy” from Breathing Under Water

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1. Lust for Life

I love what I do, so much so that it feels like I’m always doing it. There never seems to be any downtime because I’m always either trying to stay in the loop when it comes to major news stories or stay up on the coolest trends and things that any urban sophisticate could appreciate.

It would be so easy if there was such a thing as business hours for a blogger.

Unfortunately, there isn’t. So I’ve been trying to get a bit more organized before I get back to my offline career, which starts next month.

It’s going to be interesting to see how I manage. I think this site will be a great help as I can vent any frustration and share my thoughts on anything I want. It’s just a matter of finding the time to do so…

Post Title Download: Atmosphere – “Trying to Find a Balance” from Seven’s Travels

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Here I go again on my own
goin’ down the only road I’ve ever known.
Like a drifter I was born to walk alone.
An’ I’ve made up my mind, I ain’t wasting no more time.

How apropos that my senior class song, marking the end of one chapter in my life, would be used to mark the beginning of another! During the time in between, I’ve shared my thoughts at a myriad of online spaces. That has since changed, though.

My sites have always documented my life, but this one is more of a portfolio of my work as a writer than a narrative of my life. This highlights where I’m headed and offers a glimpse into who I am, both as a man and a writer.

When I first began writing online, I never imagined that it could turn into a profitable career. In fact, it was nothing more than a hobby. Over time, though, it transformed into something more. It became a part of me, forcing me to write for the college newspaper, accept the offer to contribute to ConcreteLoop and eventually launch my own blog, N-Retrospekt.

I’m not that same teenager I once was blogging about mundane life in suburbia or the microcosm of suburbia that was my institution of higher education. I’ve grown, not only as a writer, but more importantly as a man. I now revel at knowing that everything I’ve endured, both good and bad, has brought me to this point in my life. I’m now well aware of my own personal strengths and weaknesses; I’ve examined my limitations and will continue to learn as long as I live.

In retrospect, I’ve done some things I’m not entirely proud of; I’ve done some things I suppose I should be ashamed of; however, I regret nothing, knowing that everything I’ve done in the past has made me who I am today. I ask that I be forgiven for said things, as that is all any of us can do.

Post Title Download: Whitesnake – “Here I Go Again” from Saints & Sinners

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1. Looking Back on Vanity

“Above all, be true to yourself, and if you cannot put your heart in it, take yourself out of it.” – Hardy D. Jackson

The last few weeks had been hell.

I couldn’t take it any more, so when a private company offered me a great opportunity, I had no choice but to accept it. It was just what I needed to break free, just what I needed to live again.

Last Monday, I quit my job in the nonprofit sector, and I have no regrets. I loathed going to work, and I’ve always felt that when you no longer love what you do, it’s time to find something else to do.

Now, I’ll be able to put that fine education I received to good use. Now, I won’t dread going to work daily. Now, I’ll actually be able to live a little.

My schedule was all over the place, and the hours were horrible. But I wanted to work with kids, so I got what I asked for, in addition to what I didn’t like the frequent headaches. That’s all in the past, though.

Aside from the day I graduated, last Monday was the greatest day of my life.

Post Title Download: Drake – “Lust for Life” from So Far Gone

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1. Untitled
2. How I Do
3. Easy

It’s a shame that you can’t do more. Even with the long, exhausting hours, if you’re able to see one smile, laugh or just sit down with you and chat, you forget about everything else. I was the one who wanted to work with kids. I was the one who left Corporate America. I was the one desperate to get with a nonprofit. Well, I got exactly what I wanted; I just had no idea what else came with it.

Hearing a 19-year-old boy tell you his family has turned their backs on him, and you’re both the dad and big brother he needed and wanted does something to you, especially when you’re not much older than that 19-year-old boy and you realize how truly blessed you are because that could easily be you.

Or a 16-year-old breaks down and cries while telling you about the police beating him up. He runs away, and you go looking for him. Of course, you do. Not because it’s your job, but because you genuinely care about him, and you want to make sure he’s not in harm’s way. You find him and tell him to get in the car. He refuses, not to be defiant but because he pissed his pants and doesn’t wanna mess up your seats. You can’t help but think, “After everything this kid just went through, he doesn’t wanna mess up my leather seats?!” So you turn the hazard lights on, and you follow him home. That’s quite alright with him because he wouldn’t have gotten in if you paid him.

It’s not your money that they need anyway. They need to know that you care about them, whether they want to admit it or not. After all, their own families have all but abandoned them. They must think, “How is it that this perfect stranger cares so much about me?” It’s because you see just what they’re capable of, and it’s something so amazing that you’re willing to do whatever it takes to help them see it, too. Of course, they’re gonna put up a fight. Rightfully so. Everyone else has failed them; why set yourself up yet again?

But you understand just where they’re coming from, and you know exactly how to handle it. Not because you’ve been trained appropriately. No, your major and minor have little to do with this. This stems from your parents playing an active role while you were growing up. You weren’t sent off to boarding school to be reared and raised by a stranger. You were always told that you could do anything you wanted. You had someone there to chastise you when needed and someone to help you up when you fell. You paid attention to what your parents did. You knew that you’d want to do the same with your kids. Little did you know, however, that you’d be doing it at the age of 25. And that you’d have nine kids, both black and white, and not impregnate a single female.

You got exactly what you wanted, and apparently, the kids got what they both wanted and needed. There may be times when you wonder, “Why did I ever leave Corporate America?” “What did I do to deserve this?” “Why am I here?” God put you there for a reason, and that’s all you need to know. So all the BS that you may have to put up with right now pales in comparison to the work you’re doing and the reward for doing it.

“For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.”
- Romans 8:18

Although you could easily find work elsewhere and make a lot more money, you’ve never been one to want to take the easy route. And you’ve certainly never done anything because you wanted to make a lot of money. Taking another job would mean running away and would show just what a coward you are. And a coward, you most definitely are not. Those kids need you, and you’ve begun to realize that those kids mean so much more than you could ever imagine because they are your kids now. No one will ever be able to care for them as you do, and if you did leave, they’d always be on your mind. Why put yourself through that?

The problem you have is not with the kids; it never has been. Your problem is with the others who have failed the kids.

Your problem is with the deadbeat parents and the unconcerned teachers, people who should have played a big role in the beginning.

Your problem is with a judicial system that has allowed America’s youth to be treated as criminals when most are crying out for help.

Your problem is with a nation that has forced so many of our youth through the cracks.

Looks like you have a lot of problems on your hands, so you need to get to work.

Post Title Download: Interpol – “Untitled” from Turn on the Bright Lights

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1. Lust for Life
2. How I Do
3. Words

Give your mom a hug for me. Let her know she did good.
- @GettinKinky

I’m a momma’s boy.

I talk to her nearly every day. Fortunately, she’s tech-savvy enough for a text message or email, as I’m not much of a fan of talking on the phone. I can talk to her about anything, and she always tells me what I need to hear (whether I wanna hear it or not).

She’s my No. 1 female fan and the most important lady in my life.

I’m not one of those guys, though, who can’t do anything without his mother’s permission or approval. My mom doesn’t wash or iron my clothes, clean my house or prepare my meals. I don’t compare every girl I date to her. I don’t tell her my every thoughts.

Every decent guy has a close relationship with his mother, and, ladies, you can definitely tell a lot about a guy based on the way he treats his mother.

When I say I’m a momma’s boy, I merely mean I’m a gentleman with a respectable mother I truly appreciate. I love you, momma.

Post Title Download: Chocolate Genius – “My Mom” from Black Music

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I’ve just published a post for Concrete Loop regarding young, black males and suicide, including the recent deaths of two 11-year-olds who committed suicide because they were called gay and taunted at school daily.

Words can hurt or heal, encourage or discourage.

I’m all about positivity, so here are my words to live by. What are yours?

“One writes out of one thing only—one’s own experience. Everything depends on how relentlessly one forces from the experience the last drop, sweet or bitter, it can possibly give.”
- James Baldwin

I’ve mentioned it many times, but writing has always been a cathartic and expressive experience for me. I hate I haven’t written more lately.

“In the world and at home, you have the opportunity and the responsibility to help make the choices which will determine the greatness of this nation…You live in the most privileged nation on earth. You are the most privileged citizen of that privileged nation; for you have been given the opportunity to study and learn…You can use your enormous privilege and opportunity to seek purely private pleasure and gain. But history will judge you, and as the years pass, you will ultimately judge yourself, on the extent to which you have used your gifts to lighten and enrich the lives of your fellow man. In your hands, not with presidents or leaders, is the future of your world and the fulfillment of the best qualities of your own…”
- Speech to the University of California, Oct. 23, 1966, Robert F. Kennedy

I discovered this shortly before graduating last year. It immediately caught my attention, as I was still deciding what I wanted to do with my life, although I knew I wanted to do good and do well.

“The status of a person is not how much money they have or what they do for a living — the real importance of a person is how they treat everybody, particularly the people who are deemed lower than them in society.”
- J. Dakar

This is from a J. Dakar On commentary piece, which is actually comprised of something I wrote years ago titled “The Mandate”. The words are timeless, though, and state my thoughts on elitism and such.

“The measure of a man, sir, is not in money, position, station or possessions. These things mean nothing. The measure of a man is in his character, wisdom, ability, aliveness, intimacy, creativity, courage, fearlessness, perspective, independence and maturity…”
- Mark W. B. Brinton

Although I don’t remember how I came across this one, it describes who I aspire to be.

“And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.”
- Romans 12:2

No explanation really needed for that one, is there?

Post Title Download: Anthony David – “More Than Words” (ft. India.Arie) from Acey Deucy

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1. Lust for Life
2. How I Do

Check out my interview with Rolonda in a new feature for Clutch.

It was actually my first celebrity interview, but Rolonda was such a sweetheart. It’s hard to believe she’ll be turning 50 in July!

Post Title Download: Tyrese – “Sweet Lady” (M4A) from Tyrese

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